What is it that we do wrong?

I have been wondering. What do we wrong? Why is there so much dissatisfaction? Why is every one of us, depressed and unhappy with our lives? We keep thinking, if only this or that is sorted all will go well. It doesn't. Somehow, this or that has a way of not getting sorted, and even if it does, it's never enough. We set goals. There are numerous difficulties in attaining them and hence the disappointment and depression. However, the few goals that we do manage to attain, very strangely lose their charm and the satisfaction of attaining them is just not there. I wonder often why is that?

It's just not me. No one is happy. At least, no one I know. Single, married, young, old, rich, poor, educated, uneducated, working women, house wives, working men, and jobless. U name them and you find them unhappy, if not exactly unhappy, then at least not satisfied with what they have. Finding something lacking. Something that keeps them from being truly happy and feeling truly satisfied even in their times of achievements and happiness.

I wonder, if it is our own expectations that let us down, not the circumstances. May be we want too much of life. Nothing is enough. Our ambitions are so great that we compromise everything on our way to achieving them. May be we forget that life and happiness in life consist of many small things put together with great big ones. May be by concentrating on just the big ones we leave out the smaller, yet in no way lesser things and there are always empty spaces in us that we are always un able to fill.

So, should we accept fate and not strive for what we really want? How do we know something we want is in our fate or not? We cannot look in to the future. What if we try too hard for something that we are destined to get regardless? What if, depending on fate we do not strive for something we want and find out too late it would have been there for us if only we had tried?

So, what is true? What is right?

Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny? OR
Things without remedy should be without regard, what is done is done?

Control your fate or somebody else will? OR
Adapt yourself to the life you have been given, and truly love the people with whom destiny has surrounded you?

I am searching for an answer, yet at the same time wondering if there really is any?

Unicorns Aren't Mythical ... Virgins Are-If You Say So Sir!

It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge.
Voltaire

A little while back my friend and I went out with a couple of guys. It wasn’t supposed to be a date. Well yeah, I know you must be thinking a girl and a guy out and no date? Well, it can happen, can’t it? Apparently not! What I was looking for was some time out, away from the grind and some enlightened company. I got all of that. No doubt the company was great. No regrets there. I really found the men very charming and they played the perfect hosts even though they weren’t supposed to. Honestly speaking, in this day and age any guy being nice and courteous is a blessing as well as a rarity!

Any way, we went out, it was a great night, greater company BUT… yes there was a BUT. Towards the end of the night, there were expectations from us. Since neither my friend, nor I had any such thing on mind, we refused.   The guys were extremely nice. Let me tell you, the majority of the guys we come across, would not have taken the hint and would have tried to impose themselves and thought that we were pretending to be “nice girls”. Keeping in mind the fuss there is about virginity in our society, they would not be too far off the mark.

Even though, we totally agree with Voltaire above, and tend to be something close to pariahs when it comes to most of the so called customs and beliefs and would probably some day part with our most sacred commodity in the most locally unconventional way, we still do not take it to the level of casualness of doing away with it just for the heck of it. It has to be with someone we really are committed to and he has to be on the same level of commitment as us.

Anyway, no complaints from the guys, they were absolute marvels, but it was neither the first nor the last time something like this has happened. It was similarly not the first nor the last time we were questioned in quite a baffled manner about it.

What intrigues men of a modern sort these days, is that a single woman, over thirty, would think twice about indulging in casual sex. Ah, why not? May be it is becoming very common these days but isn’t it still a matter of choice?

Anyway, having been face to face with the non-comprehending  you-gotta-be-kidding-me cum the-bitch-is-playing-the-virgin-game looks several times, I do not take offence any longer.

Some of the questions I am regularly put to are along the lines of:

·        So, do you never feel like doing it?

·        What do you do then?  (I have been asked how I find release, what do I do when I feel the need for it?- Ah…. Hmmm, so if I don’t feel like it, am I terribly abnormal?)

·        So, are you a lesbian? (Believe me, I have been asked that several times! I mean, man, I do not want to have sex with you does not translate in to “I want to have sex with your sister!”)

·        So you are not a lesbian then? Oh, then you must indulge in a bit of same-sex fun just to beat the need? Ohkayyy sir, please, try to understand,… Ok, on second thought, I give up. Don’t. Yes, I am abnormal …not feeling the overwhelming NEED and failing to satisfy yours in the process.  Please forgive me!

You'll Still Be Mine

I gave beauty to your eyes,

Depth to your soul.

And the charm that every one adores.

That adorable twinkle in your mesmerizing eyes?

That was mine.

It was me beside you,

That made you seem so tall.

That sexy tone to your voice,

Was all it was, to my ears after all.

You have strong hands,

But was ever the grip so strong?

Your broad shoulders,

Did they always have that careless shrug?

The way my love melted in your eyes,

Your touch, your smile….

Was it always yours, or was it mine?

Today, when we have to decide,

What is yours, what is mine?

If I take away all that you have…

All that is mine......

That look, that touch, that smile…

I’ll have you my love,

You’ll still be mine.